2018 reflections.

Once again I’m so glad this year has come to an end. That’s two years in a row now. That’s not good, but it’s reality. And for the second year in the row I haven’t blogged much at all. I stayed stressed over the situation with my mom as she continues her end of life journey, the direction of our country and the huge landscape project here in Scottsdale. Oh, the landscape project. The landscape project was a big f*@# deal and continued to be until the weather began to cool in September. It was officially finished by early July and then of course the summer meant extra attention to hundreds of plants to ensure they made it through the Arizona scorching hot temperatures. Keeping my mom in her home to finish out her life was probably the biggest mistake of my lifetime. Yes, what a blessing to die in the comfort of your own home, but dealing with incompetent caregivers and a rotating hospice nursing staff made it nerve wracking and extremely difficult. Keeping five acres and a 30 plus year old 4,000 square foot home up and running all the way across the country was insane and continues to be. I still have hair, but less than what I had at the end of 2017. To deal with it all I used travel, creative classes, and the desert to help me cope throughout the year.

In JANUARY I took Annie Leibovitz’s on-line master class. I admire her work and enjoyed learning about her approach to photography from her years of experience in the field. I attended my very first sound healing meditation event with gongs and singing bowls and was immediately hooked. WOW. Where has that been all my life?

In February I spent the entire month in Siem Reap, Cambodia. What a rich and rewarding experience. One entire week was spent observing a class on poetry and story writing (in English!) with a bunch of young college students whose primary language is Khmer and very much beginners in learning the English language. Can you imagine how challenging? Another week was spent sharing with young underprivileged children the meaning of diversity – in English – more challenge! We now have “family” in Siem Reap and it’s so fun to see other areas through their eyes, such as the classic road trip we took to Battambang. That was a weekend trip for the memory book for sure. The people of Cambodia will always have my heart. 

In March I traveled to Virginia to spend a couple of weeks with my mom and sister. Hard to believe a year had passed since her fall that started her decline. These trips are always so difficult. It no longer feels like home with caregivers coming and going. On a creative note, I’ve always wanted to better understand the various printing methods for photography so I took a class on gum printing. This was fascinating to learn, but I’d never see myself getting involved in all the darkroom processes. Dianna Bloomfield is an amazing artist and we both ended up doing a little lumen printing at the end of the two day session. I fell in love with lumen printing! 

My ex-husband, who had continued a very close relationship with my mom, passed away in April. My mom was devastated and his death took a toll on her and she continued to decline. On a more positive note, April once again proved to be an incredible time to be in the desert. All the palo verde trees are in bloom and the entire valley is flooded in yellow. It’s an amazing sight. I did find a little time in the studio and I continued experimenting with the cyanotype process with various types of papers. Lots of failures, but such a learning process. 

It was off to New York City during May. It’s when Central Park is filled with spring bloom, including the cherry blossoms. It’s also an incredible time of year to visit Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn. It’s just as gorgeous as Central Park and when you love cemeteries…well it’s just icing on the cake. It was also my first time attending a Death Cafe conducted by Amy Cunningham, a death educator. And there was my first live Stephen Colbert show. Due to my enthusiasm upon entry, it landed us on the front row at his show! And of course May brings Cinco de Mayo and it was so much fun spending it with other “family” members who own and work at La Contenta, an incredible Mexican restaurant in the city. Viva Mexico! From NYC I headed to Virginia to celebrate my mom’s 91st birthday. When I returned to Arizona I joined in as an observer to Anna Larson’s on-line class – she’s an incredible food photographer. 

June’s weather brought more bloom to the cacti as well as the arrival of the baby quail. I invited a bunch of friends over to christen the backyard re-do and we had an incredible sound healing session similar to the one I experienced in January. The gongs and sound bowls are now my favorite way to relax and release stress. I’m now a proud owner of my own gong in the backyard, I’m sure to the delight of my neighbors. It was a wonderful way to welcome the Summer Solstice! At the end of the month it was off to Buenos Aires for a visit with my Argentine “son.” 

July was a busy month with time in Argentina, as well as attending the annual Folk Art Market in Santa Fe, New Mexico. With friends, we checked out the lavender fields as well as an evening tour of Ra Paulette’s cave carvings complete with a sacred sound experience. Yep, sound bowls in the cave. Its hard to find the words to describe this experience. The trip to Buenos Aires also brought out the thoughts of pursuing self portraiture in my photography. I’m not one to take selfies, but some digging into the benefits of expressive self portraiture got me thinking in this direction. It’s like I’m trying to uncover something beneath my surface and I’m not even sure what that something is. 

In AugustI headed to Virginia to visit my mom. I’d scheduled two weeks, but she developed pneumonia and the doctor suggested I stay as she had a 50/50 chance of pulling through. She did. During those three weeks I spent a time walking and thinking and just being in the nearby woods. As a child I would go there to escape and I continue to this day. I played around just a little with self portraiture just to keep my mind busy. I finished up the month with a quick visit to Las Cruces, New Mexico to see friends as well as a day trip to Sedona. Visiting the Amitabha Stupa and Peace Park in Sedona had been on my list for a long time and an added treat was lunch along the creek at Crescent Moon in the Coconino National Park. I really really needed that day.

September is the beginnings of why everyone loves living in the desert. Finally, long morning walks are possible with the temperatures cooling down. I took a big step and committed myself to an on-line class on expressive self portraiture led by Sharon Covert. This class really got my creative juices going and I have so many ideas and will look to 2019 to really get serious into this aspect of photography.

For a number of months I kept a constant feeling of nausea and assumed is was related to stress. It continued to get worse to the point I finally went to the doctor. In October I had an EGD to see if I had an ulcer. It never occurred to me in all my years that stress could do so much damage to the body. I don’t have an ulcer, but an irritated stomach lining and am now on medication. Thankfully it’s working and my nausea has disappeared, hopefully for good. Hiking took priority during the month to get out in nature and I discovered some new trails near my home. “Desert bathing” at its finest. My good friend who lives in Mexico arrived for a couple of weeks and that’s always good therapy. We played and hiked and talked. 

I celebrated my 62nd birthday with friends in November, continued hiking and very much welcomed the changes the election brought. I used the month to plant flowers, work in my garden, and just be. 

Off to New York City for a couple of weeks in December with the main event being Paul Winter’s Winter Solstice at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine. The winter solstice is my new year celebration and I’m so fortunate to once again attend this moving and spiritual event. I decided to take the Amtrak train from Penn Station in NYC to my hometown of Roanoke, Virginia to visit and spend Christmas with my mom and sister. That was a long train ride of 12 hours and 17 stops. Will I do it again? Maybe. Not sure. Probably not. Who knows. 

2019. This new year will not be an easy one for me. This is the year regardless of my mom’s path, I will need to sell the family farm as her money will be depleted. Getting the reverse mortgage on her home to use the equity to pay the monthly invoices for her care allowed more time in her home, but unfortunately the money will run out mid year. Selling the farm will be hard and I’ve often wondered what it’ll be like never to return to the farm where I was raised. This year I’ll find out.