What do you say to someone who is dying from cancer and has less than six months to live and who just happens to be around the same age?
What do you say to someone who is 99 and no longer has her mind?
It really makes one think…
I’ll be honest and admit…I really dreaded both visits during my time in Virginia. That’s sounds so selfish doesn’t it? My constant worry…could I keep my emotions in check…what do I talk about…what will I say when I leave…all thoughts constantly rolling around in my head.
The visit with my 99 year old family friend..a friend that has known me since the day I was born…who watched me all those years growing up…no longer recognizing me. The visit brought back memories of my dad when he no longer recognized me…but just like my daddy…my 99 year old kissed my hands, looked into my eyes…and something just told me that deep inside she knew. It brought back that day that I’ll never forget…dad was sitting in his chair and I was on the couch…he looked at me and said…”I don’t know who you are…but I do know you’re a really nice person.”
It really makes one think…
The visit with my family friend who has spent two years fighting pancreatic cancer…and I’ve spent the past two years thinking this could easily be me. She has young children and baby grandchildren…and is one of the most beautiful and giving souls I’ve ever met. During our visit her grace and smile touched my heart deeply.
It really makes one think…
Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
Mary Oliver
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Yes, we need to always remember to just think … about our lives and the lives of others and never forget that we’re all dealing with so much, trying to do the best we can and walking each other home. That is what you did on these visits, showing up, offering your hugs & hands and beautiful smile.
Such a sweet memory of your daddy, of course the thing he would never forget is that you are a nice person … sending you love.
Walking each other home…SusanMarie…that is the most beautiful thought…thank you!!! Sending love right back at ya…
So sorry you are dealing with so much. You did the only thing anyone can do when they care about someone that is nearing end of life… you showed up, offered what you could, and left them knowing within them that you were there and you care very deeply about them. Just remember, we don’t always have to keep our emotions in check when we care deeply… life is all about emotions and showing them sometimes has special meaning too… Sending you love and lots of hugs. XoXo
Thank you my sweet. Yes, they always say that showing up is half the battle. Thanks for all the love…right back at ya!
Virginia gives the most wise advice – and I’ll take it to heart. She’s right – simply showing up is sometimes all that is needed. Like you, Robin, I’ve been thinking in the same ways – about the frailty of life and the realization that we really do get only this one go round. I remember the first friend and only friend who passed on – at about my age – and I still cry when I accidentally click on her email address – the one I just can’t delete. Surely, in sadness there must be a sweetness, too. Thank you for sharing this post – so honest and heartfelt.
Donna, you would just love Virginia. She always has the best advice! And she’s right…showing up is a huge part of it. We really do only have one go of this thing called life…we have to make the best of it. We never know when it’s going to be cut short. Thank you so much for sharing…I so understand. I still have my daddy’s name on my mom’s phone number in my phone. Can’t give that up.
You really ARE going through so much “LIFE” right now, dear Robin, aren’t you! These are the days when you will comfort others with the same comfort you’ve already been given thus far in your life. It’s a spiraling circle of TLC that we all give to each other, depending on where we are on our Journey. As you give, so you will be given. Thank your for being raw and genuine enough to “pass it on.”
It is such a spiraling circle…that’s for sure. And yes, we are all on our journeys…thanks so much for always providing such touching thoughts.
Sometimes we ‘have to do’ things and it is like climbing a mountain, once we are on ‘ground level’ again, we experienced a wonderful thing. Maybe not always what we wish for other people, I mean, looking in the eyes of the 99 year old friend and know there is ‘something’. I know it gave a sad memory to your dad. But I think in the same memory you have a smile, for the good things always are more. The dear friend with cancer. Very sad and my heart is with you and the friend.
Having said all this. Enjoy life, live life, embrace life, we all get our share, hopefully the good things outnumber the sad things. However it makes us also stronger.
I am thinking of you.
With hugs and love,
Astrid.
So agree Astrid…we need to live, enjoy and embrace life! We never know how quickly it can end. Thank you always…
Dear Robin,
Such very wise friends you have.
I cannot express more than everyone has already, with such eloquence and grace.
A very deep, hearfelt post.
A reminder to live each day to it’s fullest, to love the ones we love and yes, to be present. Sometimes no words need to be spoken, emotions do not have to be suppressed. To be present, a gentle hug, a kiss, looking in ones eyes, listening, and yes, walking each other home.
Life is not fair, but our time here counts. We’re all here for a reason.
If we’re lucky, we figure out that reason while still here and we make a difference. We touch peoples hearts.
Yes, my dear Robin, your Daddy was right – you are a nice person & so much more.
Love you & are here for you. You are not walking this difficult journey alone.
XOXO
Am I lucky or what to have such wise friends!?! And that’s exactly why I enjoy blogging and sharing…we are never walking this journey along. Thank you so much Lisa! xoxo
I’m really with you on this. Its so hard to deal with these situations, but then you cannot avoid them and look yourself in the mirror. I have an aunt who is also 99, and who I remember all my life, of course, and who was a wonderful and active sportswomen who skied until late in her sixties but is now bed-ridden, although still with a great temperament.
I’ve never known anyone with Alzheimer’s but I can imagine how heart-breaking it all is. Life can be very cruel sometimes and I have no answer to it at all,
Thanks Peter…so much!!
Such profound advice from all here and my heart just sank. I guess it is because I see my niece having to deal with this right now with my brother and sister in law. While it isn’t bad right now but the stages are showing themselves. I have to agree showing up is sometimes the hardest thing but also the most needed and appreciated. Such an inspiring and insightful post
Thanks so much Barbara. There’s so much profound advice here…that’s for sure. So appreciate your visit!
Be kind to yourself and be yourself. Being there and holding the hands of a 99 year old -what a blessing. Seeing someone who only has a short time to live is hard and you can be angry and sad. Yes -we are here for a reason and your friend must have touched many hearts and seems to have a loving family . Letting her go and embracing her with kindness and love will be the last gesture of friendship.
You have wonderful and wise friends , they said it all.
Love and hugs
Merci my friend…merci.
Heavy sigh, I know just what you mean. Unfortunately, I’m familiar. Your photo says more than I could ever say with words. It is so, so beautiful.
We are given these special people and visits to enrich their souls and ours….my dad had Alzheimer’s and the last time I saw him to tell him I was getting married finally, I saw something different in his eyes…he knew who I was and he was at peace to know I was happy and would be taken care of in his mind…he died a few months after my wedding which he could not attend (yeah that hurt) and about 6 months after I last visited him…I was in NY and he lived in AZ.