I’ve always been a firm believer in signs and messages in the spiritual sense. Whether it’s a bobcat sighting or a coyote jumping over the wall in the backyard of my desert home…I’ll pull out my Animal Speak book to understand the spiritual connection. If something continues to be so difficult to accomplish, I’ll move on with the attitude that there’s a reason for it and it just wasn’t meant to be.
So a couple of days after my dad passed six months ago, two mourning doves appeared on the railing of my parent’s deck of their home. Hanging out for a couple of days…just cooing and cuddling…just like my parents did during their 68 years of marriage. (By the way…do you know that mourning doves tend to mate for life?) Even when I returned to New York, a pair of mourning doves made a home under an air conditioner in the courtyard of my building giving me that all familiar cooooOOOOO-woo-woo-woo in the early mornings. Now remember this is New York…we’re talking pigeon city here. Then I headed west for a month or so and two pairs of mourning doves made a nest (complete with babies) near each side of my home. I can’t remember this happening in the twenty plus years of living there. Once I returned to New York several weeks ago, one morning I walked into the kitchen of my apartment and on the floor under the window? A small feather.
So you see, I’m a firm believer.
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of my dad, but this past weekend he was heavily on my mind…more than usual. Sunday morning I woke up and asked my dad to send me a sign…as I was missing him terribly. Instead of getting out in the craziness of the city, I searched for solitude by heading to this little hidden gem of a community garden that’s a magical escape on top of a garage. I’d only visited once a couple of years ago. It’s a private community garden, but the members open it to the public on Sundays during select months. You see my dad loved flowers so it was a perfect place to visit. In his last few years of Alzheimer’s, he would water the flowers around their home…sometimes multiple times a day. So for his memorial service, I had a family friend put together an arrangement in his watering can…perfect symbolism for his love…
Back to the garden…up the stairs to the rooftop and as I turned…here it was…just waiting for me.
Immediately my thoughts went to a very touching note I’d received from a friend a few months ago…
I remember not knowing where to put my “energy.” I’ll call it that because I didn’t know what to do with the love, focus, attention I used to send my dad’s way. Now that he has passed, it didn’t have anywhere to go. It was that way for his first birthday, my parents’ first anniversary, for the first Veteran’s Day, for the first anniversary of his death. And then the second. And then the third. Now it’s the eighth, and I find I no longer look for those dates coming up, I look for my dad in things. Things like the flag waving on a real still day, my favorite butterfly fluttering by when they’re way out of season…stuff like that. Of one thing I’m certain…I can keep going on being my father’s daughter forever. I can keep doing the things he thought was important and I can keep making him proud of me. So can you.
So yes, I’ll continue to be my daddy’s girl forever and I’ll keep doing those things that always made him proud…and I’ll keep looking for those unexpected treasures – those signs and messages – that remind me that our shared love will never end…
Dear Robin,
I’m so sorry for your loss, but even without speaking animal language, I can see (and feel) the beauty of sending you doves wherever you are. All the best for you …
Wow Frissy, the signs and messages your father sends you are full of the power of the loving bond that cannot be broken between you and him. He is still wrapping you in his love everyday and in every way he knows will be meaningful to you. Thank you for sharing your continued personal journey with your father in this beautiful post. Love and hugs. XoXo
Our daddies were our first loves. They have ways of showing up when we least expect it. We will always have the fondest memories of them and will always be their girls. I think of mine and how he would’ve gotten such a kick out of his grandkids and great-grandkids. They will always be with us in our hearts, Robin.
Thank you so much for this lovingly written post and the very personal thoughts. My father passed away many years ago and I started missing him more in the last years….all the things he did not experience together with us , never even met his granddaughter or seeing his grandsons growing up to turn into the persons he would be so proud of. All the places I visited which he were not able to do so himself. I can see him when I collect shells on the beach or search for the perfect little stones wherever I am to bring back for him. As long as we remember they will be with us .
Wonderful words with this wonderful post. My dad passed away 33 years ago…… I have great memories what we did together. I don’t remember all the dates, but I do remember the happy times, not he sad times.
Let it make you smile when you think of your dad, keep those smiles in your heart, where your dad is.
Love and hugs, as always.
Tears in my eyes……
I wrote such a heartfelt comment to your beautiful post and I lost my internet connection and, of course my post, which I can’t even attempt to repeat, as I am too annoyed with technology at the moment.
But, I do want to express to you that I am so glad that you are noticing the signs of your Daddy and how he is always with you and is so proud of the wonderful woman and daughter that you are. Although you cannot, hug him, hold his hand nor kiss his face at this time (I believe you will again), he is with you every day.
I think I miss him more than my own Dad. I miss your posts, photos, updates and everything about your wonderful Dad. I feel a piece of my heart is missing, as you have touched my heart so deeply.
I love you so much, Robin. You are so special and such a beautiful, loving soul.
xoxo
Like Astrid, my dad’s been gone for 33 years and there is still that deep missing him. What a wonderful plan you had to go to this lovely garden that morning, he must of had the same idea.
I’m a firm believer and methinks that was intended, how wonderful to pop up there and see the watering can bedecked with flowers which I love by the way, just remember he has never left you as he is always within your heart. My thoughts are with you.