Right now I’m on the farm in Virginia…it’s rained almost daily since I’ve arrived…and I’ve rarely picked up my camera…but when I did…and made this image…it reminded me of not knowing if a storm has passed or if it’s just developing.
Seeing my mom decline more and more with each visit…given up on life since my dad’s passing…just waiting around…with hopes “that time” will come soon…is very hard.
Trying to be a good daughter…trying to be supportive…yet feeling helpless and deflated…almost angry at times…
I know we all have storms to endure…and I know it could be much much worse…and I know I just have to focus on what I can do…accept what I can’t change…and just hope for some parting clouds and a little sun along the way. Like a good friend just reminded me…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
I’ve completed a good portion of my tasks in this first week…now it’s taking some walks with my camera, finishing up some way over due blog posts to take my mind off things…and just taking it one day at a time and enjoying my last summer on the farm…
This is about as personal as it gets, being with your mom when you feel that she is giving up and still dealing with your own sadness. You’ve said so much in such a short post, your image is a perfect fit. Knowing you, I bet the rest of your stay will result in even more amazing photos.
I wish you some clear skies and sun beams and ongoing strength in your heart and in your arms to just hold your mom close while you can … and deep, sweet breaths.
xoxo
I know exactly how you feel, dear friend. My mom is 91 and in assisted living in TN. It’s so hard to see some decline each time I see her, but I try to do all I can for her, take her on outings, or a drive in the country. Just enjoy the time you have with her. Hang in there, Robin!
Keeping you and yours in our thoughts and prayers. Give mom extra hugs from us. Please know we are always here for you… Your Bro and Frister XoXo
We are in much the same place. And my heart reaches out to yours. Your feelings are good and right and feeling them will never be wrong. Life is not easy, but it is surely worthwhile. There are only a few images I come across where I say to myself – wish I had taken that – but your image of the storm for today is one such photo. Can’t explain why – it just moves me deeply.
Not knowing if a storm has passed or if it’s just developing. Very powerful, profound thoughts, Robin.
The rain, the mood, the circumstances – The photograph, truly a paragon to it all.
I know how hard and heartbreaking this is and that upcoming changes are inevitable.
Your feelings are very raw, honest and understandable. Sadness, anger, frustration, it’s all part of this difficult process of our roles as children that have totally changed and reversed. To see our parents decline is heartbreaking and frustrating.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, you are right, you said it perfectly – similar to the Serenity Prayer (even though I know you are not religious), “Accept what I can’t change”.
It’s so difficult to feel powerless to take the pain away from our loved ones, to attempt to persuade the will to live, to carry on. How can we? We can attempt to divert their attention and share joyous moments, as I know you will have some on this trip, too.
My mom makes comments such as she’s a burden and I tell her how much we love her and how we are blessed that we get to spend this time with her and that it is our honor.
Hold your mama, Robin. Revel in the stillness of the moment. Look into her eyes, listen to her voice. Be her safe place to share what’s in her heart. You are the one who can. Everything that you have been through in life has brought you to this time and prepared you for this. You are a beautiful and strong soul.
My heart, love and healing thoughts and energy are wrapped around you all.
XOXO
This place of sadness, anguish, agony, anger…all of it…IS familiar to many of us, Robin, which is why we can be thankful you have shared these thoughts, so that we can walk alongside of you in this journey. Allow yourself to feel it all. Let the volcanic eruption give you energy for the tasks before you, since you’re probably the only one who can do them. And when you need to breathe, do go out with your camera!!!! In the meantime, thank you for being willing to share this.
So sorry you’re going through this, Robin. I experienced the same thing with my mother after my father died. It was just a slow, steady giving up. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t always handle it well. I think it frightened me and I didn’t know how to help her. Your feelings are quite normal and, truth be told, so are hers. Continue to be patient and loving and don’t beat yourself up over the anger that I think stems from feeling helpless to fix or change things. And don’t forget to breathe. A little wine helps too 😉
Hi Robin,
It has been way too long since I’ve visited your beautiful blog! Please know I have been in your shoes. It is never easy seeing a parent decline. Never. The gift, however, resides in the moments you continue to share with your mom, even if she’s not at her best. The myriad emotions washing over you right now may make you feel like you are drowning, but take heart. There is a reason and a season for everything. This is all part of your unique story. Embrace it – the poignancy, the pain and the sadness – and believe that ultimately, all will be well. Remember, the sun is always shining just beyond the clouds. xox-Mary
I so hear you dear friend and you said it so well. Write her a letter and tell her what she means to you. Now that I look back how I wish I could have said so many things to them. So many of us can say so much more in a letter that we can not say face to face.
I feel the pain those times hold for you
and send love and some hope that your mom finds a place
inside herself where life is still flowing in the colors she loves the best.
And that you’ll find that place where you care but don’t take the care heavy
inside yourself and let it sit rock hard on your soul.
Peace to you both in transition,
Jennifer
Dear, knowing that it will not get better that it is just the beginning of seeing your mom slowly slipping away ..that is hard. Finding the patience to listen and accepting that her time here had no real meaning for her anymore ..that is hard. She was strong during your fathers illness and now iy is her time to let go. Enjoy her and the farm and a life of memories. Love to you and her.
I love the image, and totally understand the sentiments behind it.
I am an only daughter and for the past seven years have been in charge of my Mother’s care…..it’s not easy and yes, there have been moments of utter despair encompassing a myriad of emotions , but all I can say is ultimately this too shall pass and that all we can do is what we can do……Stay in the moment. Janet.
Robin, my heart is with you — so very, very devastating and painful to lose parents and other beloved elders… Places us in the position, too, of having to be the “grown-ups”…. Life is often hard — even within the bliss….
O Robin, I know how hard this is. At our age we seem to be the meat in the sandwich, caring for at least two generations on either side of us. My heart goes out to you and I send you a big hug. Your new blog design is wowsers btw and certainly exhibits your photography in a wonderful spacious setting……fabulous work!!
Sorry to hear you are suffocating in the unfathomable muck of life, however if we never experienced the muck, how would we recognize the splendor. Know you are heard, appreciated and a big box of love and compassion is coming your way.
So much sharing…so much wisdom…so much support. So fortunate to have such beautiful women in my life. THANK YOU!! xoxoxo
It is so hard to watch parents go through a slow, steady decline – as step by step they lose the different aspects of who they once were. I’m watching and helping my 88-year-old mother through this process and it’s painful for both of us. Thank you and all the other commenters for this post; it is comforting to know you’re not alone.
Hi Robin, Donna Hopkins gave me some info about you that I didn’t know. 🙂 That you live part time in Roanoke, that is my birthplace and all of my family are still there. I am a Parker; my dad started the Parker’s Seafood down on the Market the old brick building when he was 16. Now my nephews own and run Parker’s Seafood on Peter’s Creek. I use to go with my Dad when I was a little thing and say to the customers that would say Oysters for sale. 🙂 I live in Anthem AZ, and she said you also come to AZ. If you do, I would love to meet up with you, either for coffee or somewhere we could use our cameras.
I don’t know how I haven’t run into you before because I think we have been in maybe some of the same classes. I love shots like this abstract but still tell a story.
This image is so very painterly. It exudes the mood of your words-expressively perfect.